This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. As a user experience specialist, I had to learn how to listen to the end users to design effective products. I had to learn how to listen with empathy.
We all exercise sympathy. We sympathize with individuals who have a loss in their lives. That can be a loved one, a pet, a job, or an object. What we are saying at that point is that we feel bad for them. But, when we try to understand a person, we have to put our own thoughts and emotions aside and learn what they are feeling and thinking. That is empathy. It takes a great deal to learn to listen with empathy!
Here are some of the most common problems with listening that you can notice with people around you. As soon as you start making a statement, or telling a story, the person at the receiving end might do one or more of the following:
- Interrupt you with unrelated questions
- Downplay your experience…because they’ve had a worse one themselves
- Respond with – often not helpful – recommendations and advice
- Respond with judgement and premature conclusions
- Point to something else, that grabbed their attention
- Do something else, as you are talking!
These are major turn offs! When someone displays any of these behaviors when I’m talking to them, it tells me that I was not heard. That my point was dismissed…even worse, it was replaced by the other. It tells me that I can’t rely on this individual to understand me, because that person didn’t care enough about me and what I had to share.
Working as a UX Designer who conducts research as well, that is not an option! If I don’t listen to my product end-users, then I am designing for myself, not for them! So, I learned how to listen. Yes, I used to practice all these bad behavior points I have listed above! The minute I would hear a word or an idea for which I had a matching story, I would take over the conversation. Urrgghh! Learning this lesson was a process.
To understand how I was listening meant that I had to keep aware of my own behavior. I needed to hear myself behaving poorly. I was so embarrassed to catch myself hijacking or trying to up someone else’s conversation. I saw how my ego was taking over. The other person’s point was completely lost or ignored by the time I was done with my own story. How awful!
It took a lot of practice for me to improve my listening skills. I admit that I still find myself not listening. I have learned a lot about myself and others because of continuously being aware of my own actions and words. It seems like I have become a better person just by learning to listen. I have learned not to be judgmental and not to impose my own points of view onto others. When talking to someone, I try my best to maintain focus on them and what they are saying. If necessary, I will ask questions to help me understand them or their point of view. Thus, I have learned to appreciate their joys, pain and points of view. I have developed empathy.
SEDA CREATIONS 